Bringing home baby

I can't believe Caleb is almost 2 weeks old already! Time is flying, but at the same time it seems like a year since I've been pregnant, so much has happened.

I can't find a way to write a blog post about Caleb's first week home that isn't like 6 pages long, so in the interest of actually getting my blog updated, I'm going to leave out most of the details.

Bringing home Caleb was both the most wonderful and the most stressful time of my life so far. Caleb had some pretty bad jaundice, which made it difficult for him to stay awake long enough to eat, and as a result he lost too much weight and was having trouble keeping his body temperature up. He ended up getting dehydrated and was very lethargic (not crying or moving) which scared us a lot, and we ended up taking him to the emergency room on Wednesday morning, where they checked him back into the hospital for treatment. This ended up being the best thing for us, because after just one night in the hospital on the bili-bed, he was doing 100% better, and we were able to take him back home. Also, in the hospital I had many visits from the doctors and lactation consultants who helped me develop a plan to get Caleb eating and help him gain weight.

Unfortunately, he still has a lot of trouble eating because he basically acts like a preemie, and cannot suck, swallow and breathe at the same time. Because of this, we can't really breastfeed - he latches on, but then falls asleep right away instead of eating. We are using a supplimental nursing system and using a combination of formula and pumped breastmilk to feed him. My supply of breastmilk is OK, but not great - not quite enough to feed him, even though I pump at least 8 times a day and also use fenugreek now to try to make more milk. It's really hard, and sometimes I get frustrated when Caleb won't eat, but I just keep telling myself we are both learning, and doing the best we can. :)

Other than the feeding issues, Caleb is an absolute joy as a baby. He has brief periods of alertness after eating, then usually sleeps soundly for an hour or two, which gives me some time to rest. Now that we are bottle feeding in addition to breastfeeding, we have a little more flexibility with how to feed Caleb and Ethan can also help out, so we are taking shifts at night to make sure one of us is getting at least 5 or 6 hours of sleep at a time. This makes a huge difference in our attitudes and energy levels! I think the first few days home, I got about 8 hours sleep total (from Sunday to Thursday) and I was a total wreck. Now I'm probably averaging 6 hours a day, and I can function pretty well on it.

We are also getting into a pretty good eat/sleep routine, and I am not as nervous and emotional as I was at first. That first week was pretty crazy with hormones! I think I cried (and I mean balled) at least 2 or 3 times a day. Ethan was a champ about calming me down, telling me I was doing a great job, and making sure I was resting as much as possible. One thing that really overwhelms me is having a lot of people over at the house. We had a lot of family visitors this past weekend for Caleb's bris (circumcision) and while I really loved having everyone, by the end of the weekend I was ready to run away from home! :) There is a certain protective instinct that kicks in for me at a certain point and I want to just take Caleb and get him away to myself.

However, I do want to show Caleb off, so if you are interested in visiting us, send me a quick email and we'll figure out a time! Not too many people outside of Ethan's family have met Caleb yet, but I hope no one feels excluded. :)

I guess there will be no more baby/pregnancy updates now that Caleb has arrived, so I'll end this blog with a quick post pregnancy update:

• Since having the baby I lost 16 pounds and I'm now 8 pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight. I have a feeling that 8 pounds is not going to come off easily, but we'll see.
• I can honestly say I do not miss being pregnant, I love having my body back to myself! I do miss feeling Caleb move inside my belly though.
• Recover from the birth has actually been a lot easier than I thought it would be. I was pretty sore the first week, but now I'm feeling almost back to normal. My stomach is not particularly flabby (well any more than it was before ;P) and my body almost seems like it never was pregnant. So I guess I'm one of those lucky people that bounce back pretty well.

I'm going to try to keep the blog up with information about Caleb as he grows and gets bigger, but probably not with a weekly post. Now I have to wrap this up because we are about to go to the grocery store, which actually seems like a big accomplishment these days ;)

Caleb's birth

Caleb arrived to greet the world this Saturday morning, March 13th at 10:08 am, 51 hours after my water broke.

It’s taking me forever to write this story because I don’t have a lot of time between feeding and caring for the baby, and trying to sleep when I can. I can’t sleep much. I do have brief times for naps, but the problem is I can’t really fall asleep during what should be nap time. It takes me a while to actually fall asleep, and by the time I’m out, its nearly time to get up again, so yeah – it’s been rough. I’m hoping my body adjusts and gets used to napping soon so I can get at least 6 hours a night, I would love that.

Anyway, I’m not skimping on the details in this story, because I want to be able to remember everything later, so if you are squeamish, you might not want to continue reading. The short version is, absolutely nothing went according to my birth plan. I ended up with every intervention I said I didn’t want, except for a c-section (yay!), but at the end of it all, I didn’t care.

My water broke at 4:30 am Thursday morning on the 11th. We were so not ready. I always said I would stay home if my water broke, but when it actually happened, I was really scared. I was only 36 weeks and 5 days, and totally unprepared for that to happen, so I just wanted to get to the hospital and make sure everything was OK in there. We didn’t have a bag packed, so Ethan rushed around putting everything together while I showered and ate. Then we arrived at the hospital at 7am. I was having very minor, inconsistent contractions that felt like Braxton Hicks to me. They didn’t do any internal exams because of the risk of infection after water breaking. My midwife gave me 24 hours with no intervention for labor to start on its own, but nothing was happening. They gave me a sleeping pill to help me rest overnight, and were going to start induction in the morning if I hadn’t started labor on my own. All night I had the same minor, non-painful contractions, about 8-10 minutes apart. I was really hoping they were doing something for me.

Finally, Friday morning, they checked me for the first time and I was not at all dialated or effaced. Baby was -3 station. Basically I was nowhere. I was disappointed but ready to get the show on the road. My midwife started cytotec at about 7am Friday morning, and I started contracting regularly 5-8 minutes apart, but the contractions were very mild. I did have to be continuously monitored at that point and got an IV, which were two things that I didn't want, but at that point it was ok with me. I got to be off the monitors every 2 hours, which was nice, but the IV does limit movement quite a bit. It is not easy to drag those poles around. With the cytotec, they had to check me every 4 hours and reapply it. After three checks, I was still not dialated, and about 20% effaced, which is basically nothing. Caleb also did not descend at all. This was around 8pm Friday night.

At this point, I made the decision to start Pitocin. We didn’t have much choice because my body wasn’t doing anything on its own and if we didn’t get Caleb out, we were headed for a c-section. I had a little emotional breakdown when we told the midwife to start the pit. It was a hard decision for me to make because I was afraid of the pit, and I knew I was so far from my natural birth plan, I felt like a total failure. I cried for a while, and the nurses, midwife and Ethan talked my through it and reassured me that it was what I had to do for Caleb, because it was time for him to come out. Once the Pitocin started I started having more painful contractions right away, 3-5 minutes apart, but they were tolerable. My doula showed up and we started using the hypnobirthing techniques to breathe through the pain. I felt pretty good about getting through the contractions, and was feeling positive that I could still go without an epi at that point. I was even able to sleep a bit (fitfully) between 12am and 2am.

When I woke up at 2am, all of a sudden the contractions were hitting much much harder. I was also having back labor, which was like a bad backache that wrapped around my abdomin to my back. I could no longer talk or walk through contractions, and had to focus. Contractions were about 2-3 minutes apart, but I still felt like I could manage it. Between 2am and 4am, the contractions got progressively worse and closer together until they were less than 2 minutes apart, and the pain was worse than anything I'd ever felt. The hypnobirthing was helping to keep me calm, but I was praying that I was in transition. I started vomiting during contractions and my modesty went out the window. I had to moan to get through the contractions. It was so much more painful than I had imagined. I really though “this must be it, he’s almost here”. Then, my midwife checked me and told me I was only 4cm, but 100% effaced.

And that is when I lost it. I have never felt so scared and discouraged in my life. All I could think was "only 4 cm, I still have 8 hours of this". I don’t know why 8 hours was stuck in my head. I asked for an epi right away, but my Ethan and my doula talked me out of it and told me to get in the tub (this was around 5am I think). So I got in the tub and tried to work through the pain. Contractions were coming about a minute apart, but I got no break between because of the back labor and continuous abdominal pain that didn't stop between contractions. I was so exhausted from the pain that I could not lift myself out of the tub. I don't know how to describe the pain of intense contractions, so I won't try - other than to say that there is an unbearable amount of pressure, like you are trying to hold an elephant inside you.

At that time, I told Ethan that I wanted an epi and I was 100% serious. By the time the epi guy arrived it was about 7. Waiting to get the saline drip in and for him to set up, was the longest half hour of my life. I thought I was going to start screaming when the contractions came, but I used the hypnobirthing as much as possible and managed to lay still on the table. I did say some pretty funny things during that time (I think the f word slipped out more than once). The epi finally started working by 8 am, and I can honestly say it was the best decision I have ever made in my life. The relief was so intense I want to cry just thinking about it! I couldn't feel anything! I slept from 8am to 10am. I never thought I’d be the one to say it, but I would get an epi 100x over after that. If we have more children, I don’t think I’ll even try to not get an epi. I don’t want to ever experience that kind of pain again.

My midwife didn't check me after the epi (only the one time at 4cm) because of how long my water had been broken. They were monitoring my contraction patterns, and at 10am they decided to check because they thought I might be ready to push. Here is the craziest part of the whole story - the baby had already crowned when they checked me!! He crowned while I was sleeping. When I was experiencing the worst pain, I was so close to pushing, I just didn’t realize it! My midwife quickly changed her shirt while the nurse rushed to get the table set up for delivery. About 5 minutes later, they put my legs up on the table and lifted my blanket. Then they saw that Caleb's head and shoulders were out! He delivered himself! I felt only a slight tug as they pulled his body out. It was incredible. The nurse said she'd only seen that happen before a handful of times in 30 years of nursing. I was so surprised that I couldn't believe it and before I knew it he was on my chest, crying. We were in love immediately. They dried him off a little, and we snuggled skin to skin, then tried to breastfeed. After a while, they took him and gave him a bath and we've been together ever since.

A lot more has happened this week, and being a new mom is exhausting but so wonderful and full of little surprises. I love Caleb more each day that goes by, and I hate the thought that the days are already passing and he’s already growing – I just want him to stay this way.

I am working on getting pictures posted on Facebook. We are taking tons! We also have some cool video of him that we are trying to figure out how to post.

Whew, I’m glad I got this done! Now it’s off for another feeding. 

36 Weeks

Only 4 weeks to go! Wow! I can't wait. People keep asking me if I'm nervous but I'm not nervous! I'm just really excited. I feel like "bring it on baby". We are ready. We've been preparing so much. I'm sure that it will be a big change, and a big shock, but I don't care. I'm tired of waiting.

Plus, this week the hormones must be kicking it into high gear because my emotions have been all over the place. I've been super irritable and crabby, and everything seems to set me off. Also, I don't know if I'm nesting yet, but I hardly want to leave the house. I just want to stay home.

Speaking of nesting, we got a Dyson Animal vacuum cleaner this weekend! I LOVE it! I wish we'd gotten it a lot sooner. Like most people with a cat and dog, we have a pet hair problem. We vacuum with our old vacuum, but of course the carpet still has hair all over, and I didn't like the thought of Caleb crawling around in all that pet hair. The Dyson is amazing! You literally wouldn't believe all the hair and dirt it picks up. Now I can crawl all over the carpet in black pants and not be hairy! This vacuum really is amazing.

We also bought a bassinet this weekend. We were just going to use the pack and play in the bedroom, but I got nervous after reading some warnings that it's not approved for infant sleeping (only supervised napping according to Graco). So we moved the pack and play downstairs, and bought a bassinet for our bedroom. I'm glad we did, but between that and Dyson, we did drop a lot of cash this weekend! ugh.

I had a midwife appointment, and this was my last appointment before moving to weekly appointments. Everything is still going well. My belly measured at 35 centimeters, which was just perfect for how far along I am. Caleb's heart rate was a healthy range, and I have gained 2 more pounds, which was good. I'm supposed to be gaining about a pound a week now, but I don't think I will. I guess we'll see - it's getting hard to really pig out. I can still eat good amounts of food, but I get full quickly and I get heartburn really REALLY bad if I eat too much at night. I mean, painful, cannot lie down, cannot sleep heartburn. So it's pretty good motivation to eat smaller dinners.

Ethan and I are still practicing the Hypnobirthing relaxation techniques for labor. We have our final meeting with the doula next weekend. Between Ethan's school and my being exhuasted and crabby after work, it's hard to find the time to practice together, but we are doing our best. The good news is, this is Ethan's last week of school! Ever! He's finally done with his MBA. I am so happy for him and for me, because I'll finally have my husband back. Night school on top of working is really a huge commitment. We planned it out so that we wouldn't have a baby before he was done, and things did line up just about perfectly.

Next week, we will celebrate Ethan's graduation just the two of us by going to the Salish, which is the place we got married. I also have a midwife appointment, and we want to get the hospital bag packed and ready and the carseat installed so that in case Caleb comes early, we'll be good to go. Here is the baby update for the week:

How far along? 36 weeks 2 days

Total weight gain/loss: +24 pounds total. Not bad!

Maternity clothes? Yeah, I'm down to three pairs of pants that I can comfortably wear at this point. I have a ton of shirts and sweaters, so at least that's good. here's hoping that my pants hold out for another 4-5 weeks! I'm not loving wearing the same pants over and over, but at this point I really don't want to buy more!

Sleep: Oh sleep was so rough this week! Monday through Thursday I think I got about 4 hours a night average. I had insomnia, combined with being sick (stuffy). The last few days have been much better thankfully.

Best moment this week: Getting our Dyson Vaccuum cleaner! I finally feel like the floors are clean enough for baby.

Movement: Movement has slowed down this week. I asked the midwife about it and she said it's normal because Caleb is getting too big to move a ton. I still feel him poking me and shifting around, but less big movements. Sometimes, it is really uncomfortable when he moves at this point. He likes to poke his knee out and it's like something sharp is poking me inside my stomach. I still like feeling him move though, because I get nervous when I don't think he's moving enough.

Food cravings: Nope - If anything its getting harder to eat. I usually have a pretty good appetite in the afternoon, but by dinner time I could care less and don't like to eat much.

Labor signs: Caleb is head down now! That's great news, but other than that, no signs of labor. Soon he should "drop" or lower down into the birth canal. That usually happens a couple weeks before birth for a first time baby, but it could happen any time really.

Belly Button in or out? I'm still an innie, but the top of my belly button sort of pokes out and makes a bump in my shirt.

What I miss: Not being crabby and emotional

What I am looking forward to:Delivery. I think this is going to be the same every week from here on out. I want Caleb to be born!

Milestones: I'm moving on to weekly Dr. appointments from here on out!

This Week: Your baby is still packing on the pounds — at the rate of about an ounce a day. She now weighs almost 6 pounds (like a crenshaw melon) and is more than 18 1/2 inches long. She's shedding most of the downy covering of hair that covered her body as well as the vernix caseosa, the waxy substance that covered and protected her skin during her nine-month amniotic bath. Your baby swallows both of these substances, along with other secretions, resulting in a blackish mixture, called meconium, will form the contents of her first bowel movement.